Dear Friend, My name is Capt'n Morgan. In September 1988 my pirate ship was reposessed and the slough sheriff was hounding me like you wouldn't believe. I was hove to and my rum had run out. The only escape I had from the pressure of failure was Westpoint Slough. I longed to turn my advocation into my vocation. This January 1989 my crew and I went on a ten day cruise to the tropics. I bought a Lincoln Town Car for CASH in Feburary 1989. I am currently building a yacht club in the Westpoint Slough with a private pool, boat slip, and a beautiful view of the bay from my breakfast room table and patio. I will never have to plunder again. Today I am rich! I have earned over $400,000.00 (Twenty-Four Hundred Thousand Pieces of Eight) to date and will become a millionaire within 4 or 5 months. Anyone can do the same. This money making program works perfectly every time, 100% of the time. I have NEVER failed to earn $50,000.00 or more whenever I wanted. Best of all you never have to leave your pirate ship, except to go to your mailbox or post office. In October 1988, I received a letter in the mail telling me how I could earn $50,000 dollars or more whenever I wanted. I was naturally very skeptical and threw the letter on the desk next to my computer. It's funny though, when you are desperate, backed into a corner, your mind does crazy things. I spent a frustating day looking through the want ads for a job with a future. The pickings were sparse at best. That night I tried to unwind by booting up my computer and calling several bulletin boards. I read several of the message posts and than glanced at the letter next to the computer. All at once it came to me, I now had the key to my dreams. I realized that with the power of the computer I could expand and enhance this money making formula into the most unbelievable cash flow generator that has ever been created. I substituted the computer bulletin boards in place of the post office and electronically did by computer what others were doing 100% by mail. Now only a few letters are mailed manually. Most of the hard work is speedily downloaded to other bulletin boards throughout the world. If you believe that someday you deserve that lucky break that you have waited for all your life, simply follow the easy instructions below. Your dreams will come true.
Sincerely yours,
Capt'n Morgan
The Championship Barefoot Water Skiier We have just spent a very pleasant night, four boats rafted in the slough, when we are awakened at about 6:30 AM by the roar of a motor quickly followed by the feeling of the boats banging together from a wake. Several heads pop up to see what is happening. About 200 yards away, we see a ski boat with someone changing into a wet suit. After a few minutes, the ski boat comes roaring past us again, this time towing a person without skis. It happens to be a very low tide and there is only about 40 feet between us and the shore. The ski boat splits this distance, taking it within 20 feet of our boats. The double wake caused by the boat and the guy being dragged behind create an even bigger wake. The boats bang together even harder. The spray is so great that it enters the open hatch of one of the boats. The boat stops about 200 yards beyond our raft, turns around, and pulls the guy back by us again. This is repeated several times before we decide that we should do something. I hopped into my inflatable and positioned it halfway between the boats and the shore, expecting the ski boat to stop so we could suggest that they go somewhere where they wouldn't be disturbing people and causing potential damage to the boats. Much to my surprise, the ski boat didn't stop, but roared by, within a few feet from me, the skiier heading directly at me. At the last moment, the skiier dropped the tow rope and came to a water-spraying stop a foot from my inflatable. Well, the skiier's explanation went something like this: I'm a competition water skiier. I don't get out very often, but when I do, I like to come here because it is flat and straight. Because I like it here, I'm going to ski here, and you aren't being very courteous to complain. I explain: We are legally anchored. It is the law to observe a 5MPH limit in an anchorage. You are liable for any damage done to our boats as a result of your wake. And it isn't very courteous of you to disturb us like this. He climbs back into his boat. I holler out his CF (registration) number and point out that we have a video camera filming the whole thing. He begins making threatening gestures and statements. His wife begins saying, "Let's go, Gary!". His kids begin saying "Don't, Dad!". He yells, several times, "Get out of the way!", shoves his wife out of the drivers seat, guns the engine, and does tight circles around my inflatable. For good measure he does a few circles around the raft of boats. He then drives back to a spot 200 yards away and gets ready to ski past us again. A shouting match erupts on the ski boat after his wife says that she will not drive for him. After several minutes of screaming, he drives back around us once more before speeding away. We now have his ID number, his first name, and a very clear video of him operating his boat in an unsafe and threatening manner. What would you have done? What would you do? Capt'n Morgan .
The Muddies Songs Yo, Ho (A Muddy's Life For Me) =============================== Words by Sir Henry Morgan Yo ho, yo ho, a muddy's life for me. We sail on Fridays, way out on The Bay. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. Sometimes we're still there when night becomes day. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a muddy's life for me. Sometimes we sail without any clothes. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. But we're so far out there, that nobody knows Drink up me'earties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a muddy's life for me. We turn up the music and sing out of tune. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. We swallow the Captain and howl at the moon. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. We're mud seeking pirates, of that you are right. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. We anchor in Westpoint, we party all night. Drink up me'earties, yo ho. We're beggers and blighters and ne'er do-well cads, Drink up me'earties, yo ho. Aye, but we're loved by our mommies and dads, Drink up me'earties, yo ho. Yo ho, yo ho, a muddy's life for me. ******************************************************************** From madhaus Cliff started writing this song on Sunday night, so I had to finish it. Tune is "We Will Rock You." Boom boom tack Boom boom tack Boom boom tack Boom boom tack Darwin, you're a poor salt, bad salt, hard salt Think you're gonna sail round the world someday You got mud on your face Big disgrace Waving that tire all over the place We will, we will, ground you...boom boom tack We will, we will, ground you...boom boom tack Darwin, you're an old tar, bad tar, mad tar Think you're gonna take on that slough today You got blood on your lip Big anchor tip Somebody better put you back into your slip We will, we will, ground you...boom boom tack We will, we will, ground you...boom boom tack We will, we will, ground you...boom boom tack SAIL IT! We will, we will, ground you...TWANG TWANG TWANG... Guitar solo by Cliffy, fade to mud. See you all Sunday. Muddi. -- Maddi Hausmann madhaus@xetcom.com Humorist, Satirist, Tech Writer. Take your pick. From: SOJOURNER_CLIFF@xandem.com Here's the words for the bridge: I've sailed this slough, Tide after tide, I've left keel tracks in the mud, to get unstuck I just slide, But it's been no bed of oysters, No pleasure cruise, The tide's come and gone now, And I'm stuck in this slough (the tide's going out and out and out and out...) (chorus) We are the Muddies, my friend And we'll keep on sailing, around the bend, We are the Muddies, we are the Muddiest, No time for yacht clubs 'cause we are the Muddiest, Of the slough.
It's gonna take marshall law, Coast Guard ain't gonna get it. It's gonna take marshall law, We're used to sailing after hours. Cliff's a real smart feller, Brings his black bean soup. But we're all fart smellers, When he takes a poop. Maddi's never sorry. Likes to tell her jokes. But we start to worry, When she's near real folks. Thought Darwin was a fairy, Talking to Barbary Coast. But now he's got his Mary, Whom he likes the most. Mary's sailing's alarming, Weaving about the place. That's cause she and Darwin, Are always sucking face. Dudley likes to slough it, Drinking his rum and beer. But you better not do it, If you are a skier. Teresa comes out sailin', As though without a care. But when the wind is wailing, She frets about her hair. Yarema read the net one day, Found himself a boat. Now he likes to sail the Bay, In hopes that it will float. Romana sails on Treefort, Without her friends back East. She hopes they will return to port. With the boat still in one piece. Charles is our pretty boy, He has a nice tight gut. The girls treat him like a toy, Cause of his cute butt. Anna's from the urban zoo, Living the city life. Once came down to the slough, Brought her penis knife. Gnarlin brought another pair, Called them Ann and Jim, But we thought it was not fair, To complain about the din.
